


She ships them too

by crwatters



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Crying, God does nothing BUT play games with the universe, God's perspective, Holy Water, I'll have to slip more in future fics, M/M, POV Third Person, Temporary Character Death, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens), The Princess Bride References, but subtle and only the one unfortunately, ineffable husbands, they're married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 05:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19986559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crwatters/pseuds/crwatters
Summary: God almost Felled Aziraphale, but then thought better of it. God's perspective and influence on the Ineffable Husbands through the years.





	She ships them too

**Author's Note:**

> Not really edited because this hit me in a flash of inspiration and it's now 4am. I did a cursory glance over it, but that's it. So if I missed any capitalized "She/Her"s or anything like that please let me know. Other than aforementioned corrections, please refrain from leaving negative reviews or constructive criticism. I do this for fun, not to be a professional writer with critics. Dldr/no flames, in older fandom-speak.
> 
> Yes, God rambles a bit. It passes the time, and besides that, She was the first overthinker in existence.

Now, the moment the Arrangement was made -- when Her dear Aziraphale entered into a deal with a demon -- She almost Felled him. Almost, but not quite, Felled one of Her favorite Principalities. What stayed Her hand at first was an Idea. And then, what solidified Her decision to not Fell him was a series of observations. And so She decided to wait, and watch, and add a couple of metaphorical cards to Her hand in Her ineffable game of the universe.

The Idea (and She was full of them, being the Creator and all) was simple: She had this whole Plan set up, a great Battle between Her beloved angels and the Felled; but what if, what if these two incompetent representatives (just because Aziraphale was one of Her favorites didn’t mean She thought him good at his job) mucked everything up?

It would be  _ beyond _ entertaining. And She, in her Great and Terrible intelligence knew that if she allowed this angel and demon to continue in their little “arrangement”, through some form or another, they would most definitely muck up the original Plan. She didn’t know quite how yet, but doubtless, if she observed them over the following centuries, She would know the answer. And then whenever Lucifer finally managed to create an AntiChrist, She would have prepared a completely new Plan. And this could very well occupy Her for the next several millennia. 

That was, really, the goal of Her many Plans with Her creations. Entertainment (though there isn’t really a perfect way to name this Ineffable Goal of hers, the word is close enough). For when She was still alone in the Stuff that was not yet Heaven, or a Universe, or anything at all, She had created Language to express Her few sentiments of the time. The first four words of this Language were Boredom, Ache, Confusion, and Understanding. And you readers cannot truly understand these concepts, because they do not translate exactly into English, nor are they small enough concepts (word number 5) for human brains to grasp. Not quite small enough for angels and demons, either, really. 

After She created Language, She, of course, began to create a great many more things. Her companions, angels. Then, in the first Fall, their counterparts, demons. She could’ve just destroyed them when they displeased Her, She supposed, but it really didn’t suit her mood at the time. Then came the Universe, humans, and everything you, dear reader, know to exist (and a million more things you do not). 

And it may not quite seem relevant yet, but “ineffable” is Her favorite word. She is only mildly disappointed it wasn’t one of Her creation (well, not directly, anyway), but one of human origin. Ineffable they used to describe things that were beyond comprehension, too great in nature to be able to be described.

Funny, really, that She created them and they created a word that described Her whole existence. Ironic, even. But well, that was only one of the many, many things that She loved about Her humans.

This is very similar to one of the first things She noticed about the demon Crowley when the Arrangement was made. She looked into his heart and observed that he was fond of humans, in a way that nearly defied his demon nature. He loved humans. And, it seemed, had a growing affection for Her dear Aziraphale. 

She now regretted not paying more attention to this particular demon. He was interesting. 

Her next series of observations involved Her Aziraphale. He also had a growing affection for the demon, and loved humanity more than any of Her other angels. His love for humanity She was actually already aware of, but it was connected so much to his agreement to the Arrangement that She considered it an observation of its own. And Her following observations solidified Her new Plan to follow through with the Idea.

  1. Aziraphale still loved Her and had an incredible amount of faith in Her.
  2. He also had faith that the demon Crowley wasn’t all that bad, and in time could be tamed (so to speak) into fewer and less drastic temptations.
  3. Aziraphale didn’t intend that his temptations would actually land any humans in Hell, rather he thought they could be strategically used to warn humans _away_ from the forces of Evil (smart, that one).
  4. Crowley was already a more rubbish demon than Aziraphale was an angel. He didn’t particularly care for damning humans, but it was his job and he held a certain amount of bitterness towards Her and Heaven that kept him from quitting.
  5. Despite his bitterness and cynicism, Crowley still had, squashed deep down in him, love for Her, and something resembling faith (though it was really closer to hope, at that point).



This gave Her a lot to think about, which was always a good thing. So She left the pair alone, without Felling Aziraphale. In fact, She excused him of a number of Fell-worthy offenses over the next couple thousand years. He was an integral part of a new Plan, and really, She could see he didn’t mean anything by it. Unlike that ridiculous Lucifer.

Eventually, there lived a witch named Agnes Nutter. The witch’s prophecies were a bit impressive, actually. Humans tended to be short-sighted things, so it was rare for one to be able to see so clearly into the future. When one could see, it wasn’t always accurate, despite humanity being, in general, relatively predictable. Never before had a human looked so clearly into the future, and so accurately predicted the actions of human, ethereal,  _ and _ occult beings. Humans, as the phrase went, were creatures of habit. They changed all the time, but never stopped changing, and tended to change in similar ways as they had before. Angels and demons, however… 

Well, they changed infrequently. This was because more infrequent changes meant angels were reliable (mostly) companions through the eternities, but had just enough capacity for change to keep things interesting. Their nature was rather like an irate jack in the box. A very beautiful, gold-accented jack in the box that played sweet harmonies. But irate, nonetheless, in the sense that you could keep turning the handle for years, centuries, even millennia, without change to the harmonies, until the little box decided  _ now _ was the time. And so used to the harmonies were you that the  _ POP _ and change of tune startled you quite a bit.

Yes, a bit like that. Angels were thrilling in that way (with the exception of the times their “pop” made you toss them down into the Infernal Flames). So the fact that a human was able to accurately gauge the actions of the earth-bound angel and demon at all, in any sense, was incredibly impressive. But no, Agnes didn’t do this just once, no. Aziraphale and Crowley were mentioned in no fewer than  _ twenty-seven _ of the witch’s prophecies. Agnes had succeeded in an area that was tricky even for  _ Her _ .

It really was a shame that Agnes Nutter was a witch and her last act on earth was to commit an act of mass murder. Because the Almighty was proud of her. Ineffably proud. 

So, despite the unfortunate home for Agnes’s soul, She allowed the first book of Agnes’s prophecies to survive and be passed down the generations. She sent down a couple memos through Her extremely organized message system to some of Her angels, though, that the rest of Agnes’s books should never sell and eventually be destroyed. And so they were.

One of the twenty-seven prophecies containing mentions of Crowley and/or Aziraphale went thus:

_ Grate friends ye sharl find in them, young Apocalypse-Averter; etherale and occulte, in thyme join-ed in matrimonee inefable. _

Perhaps it was the witch’s use of the word “ineffable”, or perhaps it was the fact that Agnes felt the need to mention that the angel and demon would eventually marry, but the Almighty was extremely amused by prophecy number 2787. Enough so that She would inspire the name “Ineffable Husbands” in a young human’s head one morning to describe the couple. 

Not that you get to know which human that was, dear reader. Because that would be telling, now wouldn’t it?

A century or so after the almost-Apocalypse, Hell began to wonder if it might’ve been tricked by the demon Crowley. The fiends “accidentally” let Heaven intercept a memo of theirs, and some angels agreed they should to watch from a distance, see what Hell’s experiment yielded. She knew this would come at some point, but felt no need to confirm that yes, Crowley and Aziraphale had tricked angels and demons both, with a little help from the deceased witch Agnes. If She encouraged them or confirmed their suspicions, there would be no time to pull the rug out from under their feet.

Being surprising, unpredictable, and, of course, ineffable, was Her favorite pastime. Besides, She needed to make a certain Impression if Heaven and Hell were going to treat the Ineffable Husbands with respect and even take their advice eventually.

So She sat back, much as it pained Her to see Aziraphale’s heart get shattered. 

Aziraphale was cozily engrossed in a book in the bedroom of their old cottage while Crowley had stepped out to threaten his night-blooming plants. He kept Japanese Wisteria and Moonflower suitably terrified along the garden path around the back of the cottage, and it was to those he was currently attending. Threats reminding them that they needed to blossom into their biggest and most fragrant flowers whenever he and his husband decided on an evening garden stroll, that kind of thing. Demon though he might be, Crowley was a romantic at heart.

The timing of his floral threats this evening was unfortunate, however, because it was at this time that Hell sent up 3 bloodthirsty demons to test a hypothesis. Behind Crowley’s patch of succulents rose Hastur, Raum, and Malphas.

Crowley, busy as he was with terrifying his beloved plants, did not sense their presence until the trio had found their way to the garden path. Hastur, in particular, took great pleasure in stomping a daisy into the ground. 

Upon noticing them, Crowley turned around, small trowel in hand.

“Why, Hastur, how unpleasant to see you this evening!” he said, with false cheer, hoping his voice was loud enough to draw Aziraphale away from his reading. “And Malphas, Raum! What brings you to be damning my presence tonight? Must be a rather special occasion, it’s been--”

“Shut up, traitor,” snarled Hastur. 

“Ooo, touchy, still, are we?” Crowley glanced around for something, anything, he could use as a weapon. Nothing, except for his trowel, which was rather useless against demons.

Raum growled, but Malphas merely smirked, tucking clawed hands into his trouser pockets.

“Now, Crawly--”

“ _ Crowley _ ”

“--what-the-fuck-ever. Hell’s been thinking, and--”

“Since when does Hell _ think _ ?”

“I said SHUT UP IDIOT,” roared Hastur, quite fed up. Malphas rolled his eyes and continued.

“Hell has been wondering if maybe you and your  _ precious angel _ tricked us somehow during your trial. So we’ve been instructed to test a hypothesis, see if an obstruction of justice has been committed. Worse crime than treason, you know. SO much paperwork involved.”

Crowley snorted. “Oh, yes, justice,” he drawled. “The only virtue you lot respect.”

“Shut your filthy mouth,” snarled Malphas. “We tried to give you fair warning, but now,” he nodded at Hastur, “it’s time.”

Hastur quickly pulled out a large flask from his coat, handling it carefully despite his thick leather gloves.

“Time for wh--” Crowley began and never finished.

It was at this moment that Aziraphale finally burst out of the cottage back door. He’d been alerted by Hastur’s “SHUT UP IDIOT” that something was wrong, but so deep in his book was he that it took a second to realize that A) it was NOT the next-door neighbors that sometimes got into fights, bless them; B) the voice was vaguely familiar; and C) it was coming from the garden. Where Crowley was. 

Sitting up with alarm, he set his book aside, but forgot he’d had a cup of cocoa on the bedside table. The now-cold cocoa spilled all over the book, the bed, and his pajamas. Cursing, he miracled everything dry, righted the cup, and moved the book to a safer location on the small wall bookshelf. Unfortunately, this cost him precious time.

And so, by the time he made it out the door, Crowley was screaming and melting by the wisteria he loved so much. Aziraphale’s eyes were wide with horror. Nononono, no no,  _ no _ .  _ I just got him _ .  _ Our first centennial anniversary is soon.  _

_ “NO!” _

Hastur dropped the flask hastily, seemingly surprised that it actually worked. The other two watched with that certain kind of demonic glee.

At Aziraphale’s shout, Crowley turned his half-melted head, still screaming. It burned, it burned worse than his Fall, worse than he had ever imagined. Tears ran from his eyes, and he couldn’t form any words, but he looked at Aziraphale as intensely as he could. Hoping, nearly praying, that Aziraphale would know  _ I love you, I’m sorry, run angel, please don’t let them burn you! I love you, I love you, I love you…  _ And all other things for which words don’t even exist, even if Crowley could say them.

Crowley’s amber eyes bored into Aziraphale, even as he died, Aziraphale soaked in their light like a drowning man gasps air. Trying to memorize them, trying to tell him  _ no don’t go, I love you _ , realizing he would never see them again.

And then, not seconds later, Crowley was nothing but a puddle. And Aziraphale, in his pain and rage, smote the three surviving demons so swiftly and strongly they were gone before their eyes could register the pure light.

And this was when the Almighty interfered. Before Crowley’s essence disappeared from the universe, She gathered it and  _ pulled _ it into another dimension. And Crowley’s being found himself awaking on a plump couch in a white and tartan room, empty but for the Divine standing before him.

Confused, he blinked at Her, pupils narrowing to slits in the light that shone from Her. 

“It’s been a while, dear,” She smiled with a touch of sadness.

“M-mother?” he croaked. The room warmed pleasantly. It wasn’t uncommon for angels to use parental terms to refer to their Creator, but Crowley was the only demon in existence to still think of Her that way.

“What-- Why-- I thought-- did I die?” Crowley shivered. After a second of consideration, he shifted into his snake form (immaterial though he was), coiling up on himself. He closed his eyes and shivered again.

The Almighty came and gently picked up Crowley, cradling him in two of Her arms. “Only mostly,” she said softly, sending waves of comfort to the demon.

He looked up at Her. “Mostly?”

“Needed to make an impression. Let the others know you should be respected.”

Crowley quit trying to communicate with words then and just started sending her waves of thought. Flashes of worry. Was Aziraphale alright? Confusion. Impression? Did this have to do with one of Her blasted plans? Why? Why save him? Why throw him from Heaven in the first place? Did She still love him? How? Why? Anger. Why let him spend all these years thinking himself forgotten? Why abandon him? Treat humanity so cruelly? Didn’t She love _ them _ ? Did love mean  _ nothing _ to Her? Aziraphale loved Her so much, did She even _ care _ ?

Thankfully for our serpent, the Almighty was not in a particularly testy mood. She stroked one of his coils. “Aziraphale is fine, physically, anyway. He smote the demons that attacked you, quite ferociously. You’re going to go back to him, soon enough. And this does have something to do with one of my ‘blasted plans’,” Her lips quirked, “as you’re so fond of calling them. You’re going to be an Earthly Ambassador, eventually. But also I quite enjoy watching the continuing development of your relationship with Aziraphale. The love between you is strong, unique, and pure, and I don’t _ plan _ on letting anything get in the way of that anytime soon. And if you have criticisms of my treatment of Earth, fill out complaint form 4-A6 and have Aziraphale deliver it to HR room 42, and I might take it into consideration.”

_ You would asssctually lissten to me, a demon? _

“I said maybe,” and the Almighty made an expression that could almost be considered a smirk. "I'm not one for criticism, but you're a special case at the moment."

Crowley flicked his tongue out petulantly. 

_ If you invite me back to Heaven, I’m afraid my anssswer iss no. _

“I know,” She tapped his snout. “I believe I said  _ Earthly _ Ambassador. I know you don’t understand what that means yet, but rest assured you and your husband,” She smiled fondly, “ will be on Earth for a good long time, able to enjoy all the human activities you love so much.”

Warmth blossomed out from Crowley. Hope, love, and a sprinkling faith, though his confusion from earlier lingered.

Then, he narrowed his eyes and poked God with his tail.  _ Do NOT tell the other demons how soft I was just now _ . 

The Almighty laughed, a wonderful and horrific sound. “I think pretending to threaten me balances out any ‘softness’ in their eyes, though maybe leave out the pretending part.”

A stray thought about how the only being to hear about this would be Aziraphale made its way to Her. Followed by a brief consideration of what kind of clout (or beating) it might get him to tell other demons he threatened God.

Her tone was indulgent as She acknowledged his thoughts. “It’s probably for the best no one but Aziraphale knows exactly what happened here today. Safer, and I’ll get more amusement out of hearing what rumors both sides come up with. But don’t worry, I’ll discourage any  _ ideas  _ they get as a result of this.”

Crowley transformed his eyes into something resembling human ones briefly, just so he could roll them at his Creator before nodding in agreement and thanks.

Then, without any further word, She popped him back into existence on Earth.

Crowley groaned as his corporeal body reformed from the goo on the ground. The angels that had been watching from a distance (unnoticed by all when the fiasco of the previous hour went down) had already returned to their assigned posts, preparing to file various reports on the outcome of Hell’s experiment. They would be quite surprised, however, when their reports never got properly processed, and instead they heard word that the demon Crowley was, in fact, alive.

Crowley’s angel had not left. He was curled up in the fetal position in the garden soil, wings wrapped around himself. He’d spent the better part of the hour Crowley had spent with the Almighty sobbing, before willing himself to sleep. He couldn’t bring himself to move or face reality. If Crowley hadn’t returned when he did, it’s quite possible the angel would have slept through a few centuries, allowing the garden to grow wild and cover him like a forgotten statue.

But Crowley did return. He stretched, sorer than any human could ever fathom, and crawled on his knees to his angel. He didn’t have the strength to stand yet, but nothing was more important than letting Aziraphale know he was alright.

He woke his husband with a kiss, pulling him close. They both cried, murmuring “I’m sorry” s and “I love you” s until after the sun rose. When the golden rays kissed the roof of their cottage, energy seemed to seep back into the two of them. They got up from the ground in a half-embrace. Crowley miracled the dirt off them. Aziraphale suggested tea.

Their embrace faded down to hand-holding while Aziraphale put the kettle on, but they never quit touching. It was well over a month before they broke physical contact again. The first time was brief, by accident. They wrapped tightly around each other almost immediately. Healing took time, especially from such an awful almost-loss. Slowly, though, they returned to a life almost -- but not quite -- as that which they had been leading before Hell had interrupted.

Thankfully, the Almighty made sure they had recovery time in spades. And then plenty more time after that to enjoy the Earth as She had promised Crowley, before She set the Plan in motion that would end with Aziraphale and Crowley being trusted representatives of the Earth to both Heaven and Hell. They would become the most respected couple in the three realms, leading lessons and helping Earth be treated with more care and attention from all parties concerned.

Somewhere along the line, the Almighty inspired a young woman to write an account of these happenings, though it would be posted as fiction, and the young woman in question didn’t believe in any of it. But what you make of it, dear readers, is up to you.

Just know Crowley and Aziraphale are married, and She is ineffably proud of and happy for them. 

For She ships them too.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, God booped the snek. And yes the "mostly dead" bit was a subtle reference to that scene in the Princess Bride:)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave kudos or a short comment if you did:) if you want to comment but can't think of anything to say, I would love a fic rec or two!
> 
> Until next time, loves!


End file.
